I stumbled across a rather amusing website recently advertising TUL Pens. I must admit I'd not heard of them before but I am a bit of a pen fanatic so I thought I'd take a look.
Basically, you write down the phrase "I truly need a new pen" and then answer a short series of questions on how you've written the sentance and certain letters.
It's actually quite amuzing but I was hoping I'd need the TUL Gel Retractable rather than the Dry Erase Marker!
Have a look at the TUL website and see what your handwriting (allegedly!) says about you. Remember "With the TUL Pen there's no wrong way to write".
And make sure you check out the "What is Graphology?" video - true genius!
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US corporation.... Allegedly - but they're so funny I thought I'd share.
Wouldn't want to work there though!
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, .... But only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is really not so much of a 'has been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
"Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far, ....and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."