Breaking News! Blair Is Out

posted at 13:26:28
By Flipping Heck!

Posted In
Humour

Parliament announced today that the office of Prime Minister of the UK will be relocated to India as of 1 July 2006. The move is being made to save the Prime Minister's £200,000 yearly salary, and also a record £521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overheads the office has incurred during the last 11 years. "We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated a treasury spokesperson, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, we have studied relocation of British jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," the treasury spokesperson noted. Mr. Blair was informed by email this morning of his termination.

Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of Prime Minister as of 1 July 2006. Mr. Singh was born in the UK while his Indian parents were on holiday in Bradford visiting relatives, thus making him eligible for the position.

He will receive a salary of £120 a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the UK and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the UK Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the RAC Breakdown/Insurance call centre," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be Prime Minister."

A Parliamentary spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of Prime Minister, this should not be a problem because Blair was not familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a scrïpt tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can Address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scrïpting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "Mr. Blair has used them successfully for years. "Mr. Singh may have problems with the attempted upper class accent, but lately Mr. Blair has abandoned the "working class" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Iraq situation. Mr. Blair will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for £128 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for free medical treatment, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Blair has been provided the address of his nearest Benefits office/Job centre to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to the Job centre, Mr. Blair may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter/Basket collector position at ASDA was suggested due to Blair's extensive experience shaking hands and wry smile. Another possibility is Blair's enlistment in the RAF Volunteer reserve. His prior records are conspicuously vague but, should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Uxbridge for a month before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Blair, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit he once made to Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

In the meantime, Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is also being lined up for the same treatment, they just have to find a leper living in India that was born in the UK.